Week 13: Negativity Won This Battle but Positivity will Win the War!

I surprised myself through the Christmas week.  We decided to drive 600 miles to spend the week with family and friends.  I thought my old blueprint had been replaced and that I had the tools to deal with the “normal” negativity that I experienced around certain family members.  I would have been OK except for the fact that I thought I could also take time off from my daily readings, exercises and affirmations. I was so busy that I rationalized the teachings before MKE that said it takes 21-30 days to form a habit.  Mark is right, that’s total BS!  It takes much longer to change.

So, on day 1 a negative drunken relative took it upon himself to make a nasty remark to me in front of 10 people. I didn’t say anything but was seething with anger.  After dinner, I cried, seethed and sent him a text telling him what a ____ he is and that I don’t even want him in my home again.

When I woke up, I knew my reaction was wrong, coming from my old blueprint and that I was hurting my future self by my reaction.  I also realized that everything we do on this journey matters, that we can’t skip a day a week or even a reading.  The first thing I did was forgive him.  He called when he read the text and said he had no recollection of what he said.  I said, “No problem, I love you, let’s move on.”   The law of forgiveness saved me from completely backsliding.  I’m picking myself up and starting again with a renewed sense of determination and hope.

I send my negative unhappy relative my love. 

Week 12: A Blessing in Disguise?

Warning: This blog is a little longer than normal, but hopefully will be worth the read.  Every week the MKE journey reveals new insights.  I realized that the power of attraction has already been working in my life.  A few decades ago, I quit smoking because I went to a hypnotist.  I was so impressed that I decided to take a 6-month class and do it as a side business.  At first, I hypnotized people out of my home.  We lived in Philadelphia at the time in a rowhome in the city.  My first customer was a bus driver who worked with my husband.  He had smoked for 30 years and I was shocked and thrilled that he never smoked again.

Of course, word spread, and I had a procession of bus drivers in and out of my home. I helped them with smoking, weight loss and stress.  What my neighbors thought was going on with all those uniformed men coming and going, really didn’t matter as I was too busy to socialize with them anyway.  I could write a book of funny stories about those days.

 After a few years, we decided to move to NJ.   We built a new single home in a huge development and our Construction Manager smoked like a chimney.  I successfully hypnotized him, word spread AGAIN and often my new neighbors would see construction workers come to my house and leave 2 hours later.  I found out a few of them thought I was a suburban prostitute.  As Wayne Dyer said, their opinion of me was none of my business!

My corporate life got extremely busy because of downsizing and I had to give up my side gig.  I so loved helping people through hypnosis and was sad to let it go.  I found other ways to help people by volunteering at animal shelters, working at hospice, etc. but the downsizing continued, and volunteering was no longer an option. I think that’s the time I was most unhappy working for Verizon because I could no longer give to others.  A big paycheck just wasn’t enough for me.

In 2003 I had to leave my job because of poor health.  I kept thinking ‘now’s my chance to become a full-time hypnotist.’  The problem was that I wanted to build an office but didn’t have the money. I had gone from a 6 figure income to $900 a month. Now I realize this was a perfect example of the power of attraction.  I wanted it sooooo badly.   I visualized the office, the waiting room, pictured myself at the desk interviewing people and congratulating them when they achieved their goal. I even wrote a business plan.

Then I ran into a younger cousin I hadn’t seen in decades.  We started hanging out and her husband said, ‘She really needs family.’  I took her under my wing and invited her into my life. After about a year of bonding,  she shocked me one day and said that she purchased a building in Philadelphia.  It was a corner property on a busy street. She said I could use the downstairs for my hypnotist office.  As thrilled as I was, I told her I was grateful but couldn’t afford to pay $20,000 or $25,000 for the renovations needed.  She said, ‘Design it, I’ll pay for it!”  You could have knocked me over with a feather and I cried tears of joy. I found out years later that she was wealthy but still can’t believe that someone I hadn’t talked to in years would be so kind.

We built it over a 6 month period and it was absolutely beautiful.  It even had a bathroom with a shower so that I could work long hours if my clients needed me.  Friends helped with furniture and planning and when I looked at it, it felt like a miracle.

It was the power of attraction in action! Here’s the real kicker though, the business failed! There were some people who felt like Haanel Chapter 12-15, that ‘hypnosis is positively dangerous!’  They thought I was doing something sinister when I was actually helping people. They got the city to shut me down.  I went to hundreds of homes, got signatures on a petition and literally fought city hall and lost.  

When I first read Haanel this week, I felt a bit offended.  I realized it was probably written in the early 1900’s before hypnosis was actually recognized as a therapy. I just thought to myself ‘Haanel is dead wrong!’  I also felt some anger towards those folks who hurt me.  I had forgotten and buried that sad and angry time. Then as I read it every day, the thought occurred to me that maybe he was right.  Maybe if I had continued, I would have ‘divested myself of my own power!’  I’m actually glad this brought back the memory. Could it have been a blessing in disguise?  I’ll never know, but now I forgive, move on and focus on the short lived joy of materializing a dream! I’m ready to attract my next dream.

Week 11: I’m a Dream Believer!

I successfully converted my 400-word DMP (Definite Major Purpose AKA my ‘Why’ AKA my Dharma) to one long sentence and it is my truth.

 “I am a generous, grateful, healthy, fun- loving and happy Xooma Senior Director and philanthropist who joyously travels and earns $16,000 a month by 12/31/21 as I help thousands of customers feel better and 100’s of them earn money.” REALLY? Yes! That’s what I’m insisting to my subconscious mind and it WILL happen.  I already feel and act as if it has happened

As I read the master key this week and contemplated the biblical quote “Whatsoever things ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them (Mark 11:24)” I was blown away and even more excited. As a believer, that quote leaves out nothing! Anything is possible!  Because of everything I’ve learned in the past 11 weeks, I believe, I believe, I believe.  I’ve always heard the quote, ‘Whatever your mind can conceive, you can achieve…’ but then, it was just an interesting, motivational quote.   Now, I truly BELIEVE.   Last week’s webinar finally filled in the blanks as to HOW this is working.   We worked on our ‘WHY’ every week for months.  The only missing link is WHEN.  The sooner the better. I’m ready!

Week 10: Better Late Than Never

I jumped into bed last night and suddenly realized I didn’t do my blog. How could I? I even wrote it on my schedule! Life just got so busy that I didn’t have time to look at my to do list.   My hubby laughed and said, “just write a few sentences about why short blogs are good.” At least he made me laugh although I was slightly annoyed at his cavalier attitude.   I thought OMG, I didn’t meet my commitment, will I be asked to leave? Then I remembered my wise guide Louise frequently telling me to just relax……. So, I did and slept 9 hours.  The phrase ‘better late than never’ popped into my mind as I sat down to write this with no clue as to what I’d write.

Here it comes……a thought just popped into my head.  I just realized that ‘Better Late Than Never’ totally applies to this entire enlightening experience for me.  During the early weeks when I struggled with my old blueprint, I wanted to quit many times.  Not only was I annoyed with the consumption of my precious time with ‘homework’, technical challenges and webinars, but negative thoughts swirled around me constantly.   One of those thoughts was ‘it’s a shame I didn’t find this when I was younger.’ And ‘why bother at this age, you’re a junior senior citizen.  It’s too hard to change now.’

I kept saying to myself, ‘just another week or two and I’ll decide if it’s worth it.  If it’s not, I’ll just quit!  After all, according to the insurance company’s actuarial tables, I’m probably in the 4th quarter of my life.  I should be spending quality time and having fun with my husband and loved ones instead of spending a couple hours a day reciting stuff out loud, reading, writing and looking for my life’s purpose. I’ve already lived a full life!’

As week 10 nears completion, that negativity is gone (mostly) because the truth is that BETTER LATE THAN NEVER totally applies to all of us at any age.  If I don’t keep working to achieve my dreams, improve myself spiritually, financially and physically, then what could the future bring? Probably, not much…  I probably wouldn’t be beginning the day with love in my heart.  I probably wouldn’t have forgiven the people that slandered, abused and stole from me.  I probably wouldn’t be happier or healthier.   This experience not only has changed my life, but it has given me so much hope for the future…. which only a few months ago was fading fast. 

I really feel a genuine sadness for so many people who have stopped dreaming and hoping for the future. Unfortunately, that can happen at any age.  I’m so grateful I found my ‘Neverland’ and I’m once again excited about the future. I plan on scoring a lot of touchdowns in my 4th quarter and go into overtime for a quarter or two for a big win!

Week 9: Another Master Key Experience “experience”

The words ‘Experience is the best teacher….’  are on my mind as I continue week after week with the Master Key “Experience.”  Initially, I was apprehensive yet excited.  The excitement faded quickly as I realized I had to do work!  Imagine that… WORK, the 4-letter word I’ve been doing since I was 15! I don’t know why I expected to magically learn the secrets of success, happiness and attainment of my dreams without doing any work?  I just assumed that our teachers, Mark J.  and the fabulous Davene would just share the secrets of their success and BOOM I’d be happier and an instant 6 or 7 figure earning network marketer! I thought that all I had to do was attend their webinars, pay attention and do some homework.  Little did I know that the homework is about working on ME. I didn’t know that I needed so much work.  Yes, of course, most of us would like to improve ourselves but I had no idea that I was filled with so much negativity.  For years, people have been telling me that my positivity inspires them. On the surface my life probably looked ideal.   Unfortunately, the positivity I shared with most of the world was a façade.  It was a cover up.

The ‘Law of Forgiveness’ states to access the Divine we must forgive everyone and anyone, even if the anger is justified.   I discovered a part of me that I’ve been trying to avoid – the angry woman who was holding on to years of disappointment, hurt, pain and abuse. I wondered why some mornings I would wake up and my fists would be clenched.   This “experience” has helped me to discover her anger and banish it and forgive.   Once the anger left, the person I was before started to reemerge.  Now I recognize her, the one full of love, compassion and joy.  I can see her having a better happier future now.  During week 9’s webinar, two words brought me to tears “RESCUE HER!”  I believe that she’s rescued and only needs to recover, heal and blossom into the golden girl she was always meant to be….

Week 8: Lost Sock Seeking Sole Mate!

I saw this humorous sign (in the title) but immediately connected it to what we are learning with the Master Key course.  We are all actively seeking our soul mates.  How blessed are we to be learning how to do that!  I’m not talking about the romantic soul mate, but rather, the ultimate soul mate, our future selves.   Once we master who our future self will be via our DMP/Dharma development, we then need to continue to visualize that person until they become our best friend and soul mate.  And that’s exactly what some of these exercises are doing for us.  I finally understand.  We’ve been instructed to keep ‘linking’ and that is starting to become clear as well.  Here’s just a minor example of that.  I rarely eat fast food since I learned how destructive it can be for our bodies.  There are certain occasions when we have no options to obtain healthy food.  I was driving and in one of those situations.  I was so hungry I only would have time for a quick drive through meal.   As I thought about stopping, I suddenly looked at the red circle on my dashboard and read “True Health!”  My mind went right into action and I thought to myself ‘True Health could be delayed for me if I stopped and ate that processed, unhealthy food.’  The red circle was in my mind and my positive thought was, ‘I will not die from being hungry for a few more hours, actually, it will be heathier for me!”  BOOM – linking accomplished

Week 7: Something is happening.

It’s the little things in life that make a difference. I’m noticing little things. Our promise to give without expecting reciprocity led me to visit a friend in the hospital. I so didn’t want to go. I’m not supposed to visit hospitals because of an immune deficiency. I didn’t want to see my friend in intensive care struggling to breathe. I was too busy. I didn’t feel well and on and on it went. Then my promise to give popped into my head. I put on a face mask and walked into ICU. I was so glad I went. I was able to help her wash her face, comb her hair, hold her hand and even make her laugh. (My DMP, I love to make people laugh.). Walking out my heart felt full and I felt happier just for giving. I thought to myself ‘who needs reciprocity.’

But there was a pleasant surprise as I waited for the elevator. I decided to look for my keys and couldn’t find them, probably for the thousandth time in my life. They had somehow slipped into the ‘black hole’ in my purse. I walked over to the nurses station to set down my handbag. A woman looked at me, probably wondering what the heck the lady wearing a mask was doing. I said, “I’m sorry, I was just visiting a friend and can’t find my car keys.” She started laughing and said “hold on… let me show you something. She ran to the other side of the station and grabbed her purse. She held up her keys and said, “Here’s something that changed my life!”

She showed me this little contraption that enabled her to clip her keys onto her purse so that they hang inside. She said, “I had the same struggle as you all of my life.” “Wow, where did you get that. I want one”. She asked me if I’d be back to the hospital tomorrow and offered to bring me one. I was incredulous. I said, “you don’t even know me.” She then said, “never mind, here, take mine.” She removed her keys from the gadget, put my keys on it and said, “Enjoy!” I asked her for her name, tried to find her the next day and she was nowhere to be found.

It was amazing to me that such a little thing could bring me such joy. Of course, I love my little key hook, but the fact that a complete stranger gifted it to me made me realize that things are happening and I am in the flow…….

Week 6: Movie Posters/Dream board Power

The creation of the movie poster/dream board was a worthwhile exercise for me. A few years ago, a friend of mine invited a few of us over to make dream boards together on New Year’s Day while the guys watched football. We sat around laughing passing magazines, etc. I didn’t really take it seriously and actually just went for the festivities. Although I’m familiar with the subconscious mind (being a hypnotist) and have read quite a bit about the power of attraction, I didn’t really think about it and threw it in a closet. I occasionally saw it and smiled at the memory of the get together.

Last February my husband needed a poster board in a hurry (superbowl pool.) I pulled everything off of my dream board, gave the poster to him and shoved the pictures in the junk drawer.

In July we moved to our dream house and went through the torture of emptying everything including the junk drawer. I was ready to throw out the pictures but took a quick look at them. I was completely blown away as all pictures except one had COME TRUE! Even the electric bike I forgot I wanted was sitting in my garage. The one thing that didn’t happen was actually a decision on my part during the building of my dream house.

Visualization is so powerful. If you google reticular activating system (RAS), you’ll understand why.

Week 5: Cracks in My Cement

I can see cracks in my cement, but no gold is shining through yet. I’m just getting caught up on reading people’s blogs, commenting, etc. I’ve been struggling to keep up with the technical side, i.e., digital webinars, blogging, etc. I tried to fast forward through some of the webinars but never seem to find the information I’m looking for…. I think my ego and my old blueprint are preventing me from asking for help. So there it is… I apologize to anyone who I should have commented on as I missed the whole blog roll thing. Hopefully, I’ll get there.

I’m struggling with the press release and to keep up with the added reading, etc. So, here is my honesty. I thought about quitting this week. After I thought about it, I also decided to ‘Pay it Forward’ to help the next class. It doesn’t matter what happens with me, it matters that I believe in this experience. I’ve read quite a few blogs talking about the joy of this experience and I’m just not feeling it. All I’m feeling is overwhelmed by the amount of time this is taking away from other important things in my life. I’m TRULY happy for everyone who is excited and feeling it, but sorry I’m not there too. I really want to buy a bag of cement and start patching up my cracks. But, for those moments that I felt ‘something…..’ and hope for the future, I’m hanging in there for a few more weeks to see how it goes. Maybe subby doesn’t want to change. Namaste!


NOTE: after I wrote this, I finished my press release. Although I haven’t figured out how to publish it, I read it out loud to my husband and started to cry. My press release made me realize that my dreams are worth the struggles. I know I can do this! And, drum roll please…. I turned on the camera for the first time for our Zoom team meeting tonight. I decided to overcome my insecurities about appearing on camera to share everything that I was feeling with our team. They were so supportive and told me to just be honest as that is what this journey is all about. In the meantime, I was also trying to Multitask and listen to a call for my business. Could it be a sign that my friend texted me because I won a prize on our company call tonight? The amount was the same $ amount that I decided to pay it forward for our next mastermind class? Coincidence or Providence?

Week 4: A magical dinner party!

It’s amazing how things have improved for me in only 4 weeks.  This is the week when my belief has skyrocketed. Not only with changes in myself and my reactions to things but also, I can feel that the power of attraction is already starting to happen.   Part of my DMP is a simple thing – the joy of entertaining in my home. I used to love entertaining and always threw parties sometimes for 10 people and other times for 150 people.  Life’s challenges stopped me from doing it. I also developed some anxiety about having guests and I truly  missed it. Last night I had my first dinner party in YEARS.  And the beautiful thing about it was that I had a wonderful time and had no anxiety at all.  I was so excited that I started texting  people to host my first happy hour in my new home tomorrow night. Here’s a part of my DMP “I’m excited to share my new home with friends.”  

The miraculous part of this has to do with our new practice of stating our intent to give to others without expecting reciprocity and also to be receptive to receiving.  I always had a hard time accepting help. In recent years, I could feel myself becoming less of a giver because so many people had taken advantage of the fact that I live near the beach.  They’d come, stay in our home, eat drink and be merry and then never contact us until the next time they wanted free lodging and food.  I’m now letting those resentments go during my sit.

The 4 friends at the dinner party are in town for a week.  Our friend Larry, who has been my husband’s friend since grammar school, called and said that they wanted to come and see our new home.  I immediately thought to myself I probably should make them dinner and was struggling to decide whether to plan a meal for them. I really didn’t feel up to it physically.  Later on, he called my husband and said they were going to bring the entire dinner and cook it for us. My old blueprint told me to say ‘no thanks, I’ll make dinner’, but because I’m open to receiving now, I said yes.  They came and Larry made a beautiful dinner for the 6 of us.  We laughed, talked and reminisced until 11:30 PM.  They brought beautiful housewarming gifts and cards and champagne, and I could’ve cried from gratefulness

In a million years I never would have believed that these particular people would do that for us.  We had gone decades without seeing or talking to them yet here they were on my front doorstep bearing food, drinks and gifts. They made up for all those people that took advantage of me.

 I am now a grateful receiver. 

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